I went back to work full time three weeks ago and I’ve hated every minute of it. Maybe it’s the mom guilt, but I hate leaving Landon with someone else even though he’s in the hands of two incredible people. I am awful at meal planning, so usually I struggle to put a nutritious dinner on the table (lucky for me, my husband will eat grilled chicken salad every night if he has to), and then by the time all is said and done I have no desire to go for a run or to CrossFit because the mom guilt rears it’s ugly head again and says “you should be home with your baby.” I haven’t had a manicure in
weeks months and neglect to paint my own nails, mainly because they won’t dry in time for me to pump or change a diaper. And I’m sweetly reminded of that every time a friend comments that they are “shocked” my nails aren’t done.
I went to my closet to get dressed the other day and just stared at everything for a good five minutes. Of time I really don’t have. And I just wanted to cry because putting together a cute outfit required more energy than I really had at that moment. To which I then threw on a pair of Lululemons, a baggy tee, and my Converse.
And that’s when I decided I really need to start doing more for me. I love my son, he is the highlight of my day, every day. I miss him when he’s sleeping. I soak in every minute of him while he’s awake. But I feel like I’ve lost myself a little, naturally, being caught up with life as a new mom. And I need to learn that it’s okay to want to get a manicure, or go for a run. Or to order take out on nights I just don’t feel like cooking.
I think new moms put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the picture of “perfect.” The pretty, fit mom who cooks and cleans while wearing a cute outfit and changing a diaper at the same time, all “I am woman, hear me ROAR.” I am one of those moms. But I am not perfect. My hair isn’t always done. My nails aren’t always painted. And sometimes I burn dinner. I need to start embracing the imperfections. And finding my balance.
I say all of this because at one point I debated to stop blogging because of the time involved. And also, probably because I put pressure on myself to make this blog my idea of successful. Because it’s not “perfect.” But I realized that this blog is a happy place of mine. I’ve been blogging since 2010. It’s like my creative diary, and I want to be able to look back on it years from now and relive my shared experiences. And I want to stop being so afraid of what people think about my posts, and I want to show you all the real, imperfect ME.
So my blog is getting a makeover. Name and all. I’ll still be blogging about DIY and vintage home decor because those are passions of mine. But I’m adding my other passions to the mix. And you’ll be seeing the real me, imperfections and all. Because I love my perfectly imperfect life….and I need to embrace the rust as well as the lace. It’s a step closer to helping me find balance in this beautiful life I’ve been blessed with.